I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Four minutes until I can fart!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
