Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
