watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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