I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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