smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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