As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
