no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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