ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
