i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
