bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
