'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
