I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
