he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
