you suck at this game today
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
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Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.