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Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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