please come you make the beer taste better
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else