He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
