Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
