I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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