it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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