I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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