Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize