I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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