My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
