Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
