I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
