He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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