Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
