standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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