You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
