It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
