Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
