i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
