dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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