Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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