Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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