That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
