I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
