My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
