I'm jealous of your bromance
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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