Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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