just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
