this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
