Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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