Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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