we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
