false alarm. still invincible.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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