Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
