8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love accidental penises.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
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the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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