She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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