Got a toothbrush?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
