I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
