halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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