my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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