you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
