Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
