She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
