I could make wine with my vomit
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize