her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
