Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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